The Biggest Mistake You’re Making As You Chase Your Dream Job

First and foremost, please forgive me for making this sound like one of the hundreds of Buzzfeed articles that are bound to make it to your facebook newsfeed. That was not my intention. There are far too many of them flooding facebook as is.

(On an unrelated note, if someone from Buzzfeed reads this, please message me about any employment opportunities you may have coming up.)

Second, there’s a chance you might not be making this “biggest mistake.” If that’s the case, you’re much smarter than me. Or you’re friends with Courtney Rioux. Courtney has presented this concept to me multiple times. While I can’t remember where I first heard it, I know I definitely have heard it from her the most. I have her to thank for helping me learn this.Image

Guys! A picture of me and Courtney does exist…we’re just not speaking. Clearly we were fighting that day. Actually, this was from a workshop. She has another coming up on May 29th! Talk to me if you wanna come! (Photo credit: Facebook.com/hubbardcoaching)

Okay. There’s a rumor going around that I want to stop right now. Whether you’re pursuing a career in the arts, or you’re working your way to be CEO of your company, you’re on a long and tough journey. The problem that we face (especially for those in the arts) is that a lot of this journey can be unpleasant. During this time, I personally like to use the phrase “I’ll be happy once I’ve gotten there.”

There are two problems with this: 1) We’re creating a limiting belief that we have to stay unhappy as we go on our journey. 2) Who is to say that we’re going to be happy once we get there? There’s an incredible successful Beachbody coach who is one of the best in the business. And by successful, I mean very successful. And rich. Yet he posted on facebook today about how caught himself feel discouraged recently when it came to his goals! EVEN THOUGH HE’S SUCCESSFUL. (And rich.)

So how do we stay happy during the journey?

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 Being friends with Nicole and Nate helps. But seriously, how can you NOT be happy around that beard?

I’m learning that it’s different for everyone. Here are some tips I’ve found helpful:

-Accept instead of resist. When you encounter an obstacle, try accepting the situation for what it is. If you’re me, you probably yell, swear, and then think about whether or not it’s too early to start drinking. Instead, try the Barney Stinson method and focus on what you can do to move forward.

-Allow yourself to fail. Far too often, I catch myself trying to be perfect. If this is you, stop now. There is no such thing as being perfect. The goal is progress. Not perfection.

-Give yourself a “cheat” day. We use this term a lot in the health and fitness industry. It refers to the day you get to have an unhealthy meal (assuming you’ve been healthy the rest of the week). It makes us want to work harder during the week, knowing that there’s a reward coming up. Same goes for chasing your goals. Give yourself a day off. For me, this is usually a night out with friends.

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Miss these guys! (Photo credit: Amy Hunt. And Tommy Martin. We’ll throw Dylan’s name in there too, so he doesn’t feel left out.) 

When all else fails:

-Yell, swear, and then think if it’s too early to start drinking. If it’s not, start drinking, give me a drunk dial, and tell me how much you love my blog.

Seriously. I love drunk dials.

Go chase your dreams, friends. And make sure to be HAPPY as you do!

(I literally just found this on youtube. It happened at Salem State University, my alma mater, last week at commencement. I don’t know who took the video or when this was during the ceremony. But it brought HUGE smile to my face!)

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Something to Consider Before Posting on Facebook

On a scale of 1-10, how cranky are you on a regular basis? If you’re not sure, take a quick look at your facebook page.

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I regret to inform everyone that I no longer drink Miller High Life. It just made us all more cranky. 

I used to be a very negative person. I was happy (or at least I thought I was). But I was constantly looking for the negative. And ohhhh boy, did I find it!

Here’s a secret that you might not know: You find exactly what you’re looking for. If you’re in a bad mood, you’re going to find every tiny thing that’s negative with your day. When you’re in a good mood, same thing! You’re much more likely to notice the sunshine and smiling faces that you’re surrounded by.

Sound familiar? I’ve talked about this before =)

Now let’s go back to facebook: Ever notice how whenever there’s snowy weather, our news feeds are packed with negativity? The following may or may not be real statuses that I read last week:

-So happy to see that it’s snowing in May! #not #thankschicago

-Are you KIDDING me?!

-WTF? I thought we were done with this #movingtoLA

-Can’t believe it’s snowing in May! Can it just be Monday already so we can read Tony’s blog?”

Okay maybe some of these aren’t real. But you get the idea.

Story time! This past weekend at work, one of my coworkers Andrew was serving a couple their breakfast. (UPDATE: Andrew is one of those coworkers that everyone should have. And you’re lucky if you get him as your server). Upon receiving their food, the gentleman decided he wanted to add a side of bacon to his order. After learning how long this would take, he changed his mind and canceled the order (after Andrew had already rang it in, mind you). When it came time for the check, the gentleman informed Andrew that he was unhappy with “how he handled the situation” and said his bacon should have come out anyway.

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Me and some of my coworkers. When we’re all together (and not working), we’re usually all smiles. 

We’re going to ignore the fact that there are many problems with this gentleman (along with the fact that I am fuming with rage as I recall this story.) Instead we’ll focus on his comments when it came time from the check: What was he hoping to gain when he pointed out how unhappy he was? A discount? Maybe. But I’m willing to bet he was just upset and thought that it was absolutely necessary to express himself to my coworker.

Back to facebook again: When we post negative statuses, what exactly are we hoping to achieve? Most of the time, it’s the same thing the bacon-less customer wanted: To express ourselves. Yes, we’re allowed to do this. Yes, it’s “our facebook and we can post whatever we want.” (Drink if you’ve heard this before. Finish your drink if you’ve said it yourself.) But ask yourself this – If it’s something negative, is it really worth it?

On another note, none of those statuses that I posted above were real. In fact, I don’t see as many negative statuses anymore. They’re mainly hidden from my feed.

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NO! TONY! PUT US BACK IN YOUR NEWS FEED! (Photo credit: Factory Theater)

 

Have a positive week, friends. Regardless of the weather =)

Going through the Struggle

Oh, hey friends! Hope everyone had a great weekend and a nice Mother’s Day. Hopefully you took your mother somewhere nice…Or if you were working yesterday, I hope you stayed sane serving on all the mothers yesterday.

I’ve talked about waiting tables. I’ve talked about how draining it is. But it’s part of the “struggle” that I’m going through. While I don’t enjoy it, I’m glad to have experienced a struggle like this. I’m sure we can all think of a celebrity or two who achieved fame at a young age, but eventually let the attention get to their heads. I like to think that going through a struggle before then helps educate us to be more humble as we achieve success.

On that note, I tend to forget that there are celebrities who went through struggles themselves to get to where they are today. All I think is “Why are they so perfect?” and “How do I get there myself?”

There’s a reason we look up to successful people. We see how much they’ve accomplished. What we don’t always see is how they got there. We just see the end result. I personally love learning about how successful people struggled to get to where they are today.

Please note, I am not saying that I enjoy seeing people fail. Dear god, that would be morbid and awful! What I am saying is that it’s nice to see these awesome and inspiring people appear a bit more “human.” Hearing about their struggles makes me realize that with hard work and struggling a bit myself, I can get to where they are. It’ll just take time.

Now for the next challenge: How do we enjoy ourselves during the struggle? We can’t just stay unhappy while we’re going on the journey.  To be honest, this is an area I’m still trying to figure out. But I’ll be sure to share my secrets as I figure them out 🙂 Yesterday, this may or may not have involved mimosas at work. And after.

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This was from last Monday, but I met up with some old coworkers from my first serving job! That night involved Margaritas – not mimosas. (Photo credit: Nicole Stupka)

I’ll see ya next week.

What to Do When Your Friend is in a Bad Mood

Anyone have a friend who gets cranky very easily?

[Everyone raises their hand]

…someone that’s not me?

[Everyone puts their hand down.]

A lot of us like to take on the Ted Mosby attitude of cheering up our friends when they’re sad or upset. While our actions may vary, the result we want is the same: We want our friends to be happy. Think about when you’ve done this in the past. Then ask yourself this: Were you adding value to them? Or were you adding value to you?

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photo credit: https://www.facebook.com/HowIMetYourMotherCBS

 

Often times when trying to cheer up our friends, we make the mistake of making the situation about ourselves. A common mistake is making it a “challenge” to change their mood. This makes the situation about us, and usually results in our friend being more upset than they were beforehand.

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photo credit: https://www.facebook.com/HowIMetYourMotherCBS

“Challenge Accepted!” 

 

Next time this happens, try making the situation about them instead of you. If they don’t seem to want to talk about their day, ask them something else. Just make sure it’s about them. The majority of the time, your friend is going to find they’re in a better mood simply because someone is showing interest in them. The best part is, they probably won’t even realize it!

However, sometimes you’ll encounter a friend who is convinced “the day is ruined” and nothing can be done to change it. When this happens, you’re still allowed to ask them questions and add value. Just know that sometimes the best way to add value is to give your friend their space. Don’t take it personally. Remember, it not about you. Eventually they’ll come around on their own.

Think about different ways you can add value to others when they’re upset. It’s going to differ based on each friend’s personality, so be ready for this to change. Just keep making it about them and you’ll find you get pretty damn good at this.

Have a legendary week, friends.

#MakeSomeonesDay – Part II

Guys. You rock.

I didn’t do as well with advertising #MakeSomeonesDay this round. But several of you still stepped up to the plate.

Once again, I didn’t advertise where we were doing this. I did this partly because I didn’t want to ruin the surprise. And partly because I wanted to surprise my friends back home.

For this round of #MakeSomeonesDay, we went to Red’s Sandwich Shop in Salem, Massachusetts.

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Why Red’s?

1) It’s one of my favorite restaurant’s in one of my favorite cities. It’s loved by both myself and my friends back home.

2) As a waiter at a brunch restaurant, I can tell you that the brunch crowd is NOT always pleasant. I wanted to give back to someone in an industry that I know all too well.

So on Saturday, April 26th, me and my friend Nicole (Remember Nicole? She’s the one who makes the cool guitars) went to Red’s. This is tradition whenever I’m home. This time it was extra special..

We had Steph as our waiter. She was wonderful. After Nicole and I finished our meal, we paid and got ready to leave. Before we did, I approached Steph. I told her we had a great time, thanked her for her service, and handed her an envelope with the $100 tip. Unfortunately we didn’t get to see her reaction.

However, this was posted on Red’s facebook page an hour ago:

 Reds #MakeSomeonesDay

Aaaand that is why we do this. You’re welcome Steph.

Thanks to Courtney, Traci, Karyn, and Tom for donating. And thank you to everyone who shared the page to spread the word.

You better believe #MakeSomeonesDay is coming back for a third round!