How am I feeling, Facebook? You know…I’m not quite sure.
You see Facebook….
*Facebook IMMEDIATELY begins grumbling about how “most people just make a status and then leave without making a big deal out of it”
Oh Facebook….you’re cute. And you clearly don’t know me. I don’t do anything without making a big deal. And come now…I could be talking politics….
You see Facebook…
I’ve been having this rough stretch since I found myself getting sick. It was just a nagging cold, but eventually it passed. However, I kept getting lingering symptoms every time I worked out. As you’re undoubtedly aware from my plethora of selfies, you know that my workouts are important to me. For whatever reason, appearance has been a big deal to me. I grew up being a skinny guy, not really caring about how I looked. I figured, it is what it is. Having muscles? That’d be nice. But at least I’m not overweight…
You know how you have those nightmares and suddenly something is TERRIBLY wrong? You wake up and your head is half shaven, or one of your eye brows has fallen off, or half of your teeth aren’t there anymore? For me, it was waking up and suddently I’m 100 lbs heavier. (And sometimes the teeth thing.) I always had this fear about looking different than the guy whom I’m used to seeing in the mirror. I don’t know WHY I have this fear because – honestly? Whenever people I know DO gain weight, I think about it for a minute…and then go back to thinking about myself and my own “flaws.” We all do it. I know I don’t need to impress anyone. Hell, if I let lose a little more, had more fun, and didn’t pay so much darn attention to my amaaaazing nutrition….I think I’d be a little more appealing to others. I’d be more relatable for one. And I’d also be happier because I’d be loser and more confident….ahhhh confidence…
THAT’S thing, Facebook: I’m not confident when I deviate from my nutrition plan. I notice those teeny, tiny, incremental gains in my face and stomach and it bugs the hell out of me. I can’t stand it. Does anyone else notice? Oh hell no. Please, I came back from a vacation three years ago and practically couldn’t put on my jeans (this was a first for me) and no one noticed. Those quedillas I had last night? No one is going to care.
But I do. And I’m figuring that out.
So I guess what I’m trying to say, Facebook, is that there’s a LOT right now I’m trying to figure out. I’m trying to figure out how to be happy. I want to be able to not be so strict with food, with goals, with money, and with life. I want to be able to fuck up and not give a damn. I want to be able to have TWO cheat nights in a row, not be able to do my “perfect” workouts, and then go on to know for 100% certain that I’ll be able to get back on track.
Sounds pretty lofty, huh?
Lightbulb: I just realized – it’s incredibly possible. I just need to make the decision.
Wow. What the hell did we do before you, Facebook?
*Facebook expresses that while it actually tends to cause more people stress than happiness and wishes people would, in fact, learn to moderate its usage more*
Ah. Fair enough. In any case….thank you. I really appreciate having a place to share all this.
Let’s go get ‘em, yeah? (Sorry. That’s a thing I do on my blog. And in fact…that’s where I’m gonna post this, but will totally share a link I swear.)
PS – Oh, and you know the whole showing me football scores when it’s clearly still baseball season? Like I said….you really don’t know me