It’s Okay To Not Feel Okay

Every Sunday I do a video on Facebook live. I call them #SundayVideos. (Clever. I know.)

This week I shared how I’ve been going through some challenges and had to remind myself that in the thick of things – it’s actually okay to not “be okay.”

I also talked about how this doesn’t make you “unhappy” and how to differentiate it from being sad and miserable.

For the full video (three minutes) – click the screenshot below!

Screen Shot 2018-02-21 at 10.31.25 PM.png

So just remember friends – it’s okay to not feel okay sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with you. And we cant wait to see your best version of you again – when you’re ready.

Let’s go get ’em.

***   ***   ***

Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

 

Advertisements

1 Reason You Don’t Need a Standout Resume

The following shares how I felt after booking a job with one of my favorite Chicago theatres. It was originally written for Backstage.com. Read on, my friends 🙂  

Have you ever had an audition where you thought, “There’s no way I’m going to book this.”

I recently had an audition for one of my favorite theaters in Chicago. I didn’t care that it was an understudy gig—it was my type and a chance to work with people I love. I wanted it.

After reading the script, a few thoughts came to mind, compliments of my inner critic. I call him Fred. Fred proceeded to tell me the following…

“There’s no way you’ll book this.”

“You’re so not right for the part.”

“That character they want you/me to read for is how old? Oh god. Ha! Good luck with that.”

I told friends I wouldn’t book it. I told my parents I wouldn’t book it. I figured this would just be a chance to meet some decision makers who would consider me down the road.

And then I booked the gig.

Steep .jpg

I was a little excited to work on this new Calamity West play! 

 

I’m fairly certain after reading the offer email that I scared away half the customers at the coffee shop I was working in. I was thrilled! I hadn’t even had my second cup of coffee yet but immediately knew it was going to be a good day.

Of course, it wasn’t long before Fred chimed in again…

“They probably just had a low turnout.”

“This is just their B cast. They don’t actually expect you to go on.”

“It’s not a big deal. I’m sure the other friends you saw at the audition booked it, too. You’re nothing special.

As a result of working with coaches who I believe to be experts at personal development, I stopped listening to Fred. Mentors including Courtney Rioux, Dallas Travers, and DaJuan Johnson have all helped me remember that I do deserve it and I am perfect for the part. Even if it was a low turnout and the rest of my friends booked it as well, I’m still awesome. I’m still enough.

Careful of your own Fred. He means well, but he’s not as smart as you. You are awesome. You are enough. And you don’t need a standout resume for that to be true.

Let’s go get ‘em, friends.

***   ***   ***

Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

Steep .jpg

How to stay sane after your favorite team just lost (Diehards Only)

How does one stay sane after your favorite team – the one you just poured time, legit money, and far too much energy into – gets eliminated?

Let’s face it: You’re hurting. You’re not a casual fan. You’re a die hard. And now you have to face the inevitable pain that comes from your favorite team losing: Jokes from your friends who were rooting for the other team. Jokes on social media about how terrible your team is. The plethora of rants from friends who label themselves experts (“IF WE HAD JUST HANDED THE BALL OFF MORE DURING THE 2ND AND 3RD QUARTER PLUS INSERTED THAT GUY INSTEAD OF THIS GUY….) And heaven forbid you support – *ahem* – a team that’s vastly disliked by the majority of people….

27067312_10157005607144027_7873725846385739965_n.jpg

Lisa and I were a little happier a few weeks ago…..

There’s good news and bad news: The good news is that something new and shiny is going to get the attention of everyone on social media in a week or two, and this will all just be a bad dream. The bad news is you still have to get through these two weeks.

And for some of us – who live, eat, breath, and sleep our sports team – this is no joking matter. And yet there are some who treat it is such. *Sigh*

To help prepare, here are a few responses from others you’re likely to hear regarding the outcome of the game. You’re likely going to find these are well intentioned and lovely people – but they just don’t get it like you do. You’re a die hard. (And you’re awesome for it.) Read on, die hard. Read on.

 

“Your team has won SO MUCH. Don’t the other guys deserve a chance?”

This is usually said by the nonchalant sports fan, or your friend whom you bond with over other things (movies, career things, etc). But sports? Not so much. These friends will likely shout something like, “Kick a field goal!” during a baseball game in exchange for laughs. Regardless, they mean well. They just don’t grasp the depth of the situation.

Simply share the following situation to your friend: It’s like having a child who is competing in the spelling bee. If your child is a repeat champion and is going for three in a row, you’re still not about to root against your child and pull for Freddy, because “Freddy has never won before and deserves it.” Of course you’ll be happy for Freddy if he wins. But are you rooting for him? No, you silly goose, you’re rooting for your child! Otherwise, what kind of parent are you?! The true die hard will never root against their team. You know this. And that’s what matters.

 

“That’s okay that we lost! It’s almost (season of an entirely different sport)!”

This is likely being shared by an optimist. I’m an optimist and am sure I’ve been guilty of this one. But there’s a difference between being positive and pretending not to feel negative. This is often said as someone doesn’t want to feel negative. Perhaps this has been said by someone who likes the other sport in question more than the game that just happened. But a true die hard won’t accept this.

Case and point: I’m an avid biker. My bike is like my baby. If something happens to it – I’m not happy. Recently I was riding my bike to the theatre along with my new, nifty, iPhone 7 in my pocket. I was feeling pretty great until I returned to my bike to find that someone stole my wheel. I was livid. At no point did anyone say to me, “Well that’s okay about your bike – you have that new iPhone, right?” No. Because while I love my new iPhone, I also love my bike. My bike was what needed my attention in that moment.

Your team needs you and it needs you now. Numbing the pain by focusing on something else is a disservice to the team you just poured your heat and soul into all season. Don’t worry, other sport. We’ll get to you in a minute.

 

“I don’t care we lost. At least my team MADE IT this far….”

Oh, honey…..

Again, this can often fall into the “pretending to be happier than I actually am” category. It’s also an easy defense mechanism to ward off fans of teams who are taunting you, but didn’t make it that far.

This person is trying so hard, and you love them for it. But it’s not the time for celebrating – at least not yet. It’s like that person you see posting on instagram about all their success!….when you know that really, this person is also struggling financially and with their relationships. (On a serious note – give love to these people because they definitely need it from us.)

Back to sports: There most certainly will be a time for celebrating (because yes – your team did advance this far and that is awesome), the die hard knows this isn’t the time for that. There is a time for mourning and that time period follows the loss. Mourning periods are different for everyone, and there’s nothing to be ashamed about. Simply take your time to reflect on the loss, and celebrate on your team’s accomplishments when you’re ready.

 

“Who cares? I mean, it’s just a game….”

Walk away. There’s no need to participate in this conversation.

Final thoughts: This post was a bit sillier than usual 🙂 I wrote it because I love sports. I love the passion that gets poured into a team. And while I hate losing, there’s something oddly therapeutic about allowing myself to feel sad after a loss. While I don’t let it get to me like I used to, I definitely need my mourning period.

I hope this helps you with your own, fellow die hard. Feel free to share with your teammates – when they’re ready, of course.

Let’s go get ’em, friends.

***   ***   ***

Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

Let’s go get ‘em.

Well…this is awkward….

…I didn’t write a new post for this week.

Fortunately there’s a post I wrote last November that really resonates with me this week – “How to stay positive (and sane) when you’re sick. Again.”

….yup 🙂

See y’all next week!

What happened: Woke up with a dry throat. Woke up feeling like I barely slept, despite getting extra sleep that night. Woke up realizing, “Oh dear. I might be sick. (Again.)”

Despite this, I didn’t deter from my morning routine, complete with meditation and exercise. I’d keep an eye on whether or not I still felt dehydrated throughout my workout. If I felt like I was still dehydrated despite having chugged a bunch of water – I’d have my answer. 

What happened next: I got my answer. (It wasn’t what I wanted.) 

What usually happens then: I get angry. I throw a pity party, wondering things like “Why me?” and “How the hell am I supposed to get through the next few days?” 

What happened instead: “Ah. Damn. That’s not what I wanted…..Alright then.” 

Why: Because the combination of meditation and personal development books make you a superhuman….or at least a more positive one.

 

The book I’ve been reading is“The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle.  With meditation, a common practice is to simply notice thoughts as they come and go. What we tend to do, as Eckhart shares, is that we create an identity with the thought. Then the ego takes control, and all hell breaks lose. While I didn’t want to be sick this week, I also didn’t want to fall into my usual pattern of “This is awful and nothing will ever be okay!” Because…well, that’s not true, is it? 

I stopped trying to predict the future. I avoided worrying about whether or not I’d still be sick by the end of the week, where I knew I was going to be really busy. I just focused on acknowledging my thoughts. I knew my fears were there. But I figured if I’m going to be sick, I might as well take something away from this crappy situation. 

Besides…..

I’m never sick for longer than a week 

I didn’t have any big parties or fun events I was going to have to “power through”

I was so glad I wasn’t sick on Thanksgiving! 

A couple of weeks from now – everything will be okay and this will just be another blip on the radar.

Let’s put this into practical thinking: Right now I’m able to look at this from an empowering perspective. But what about when I’m sick, I’m at work, a customer is really bothering me, and I have a few other things on the agenda that day….how will I view things then? Will I still be “Mr. Positive” and be able to stay present and optimistic?? 

At the time of writing this, I’m just starting to feel the initial stages of the sickness. It’s at this point where I tend to think, “Oh, this isn’t that bad…” and then by either tonight or tomorrow morning, I’ll be like, “NOOOOPE THIS IS TERRIBLE!” So all this is to say that it’s much easier for me to view my situation from a positive place today. Tomorrow and the day after? I can’t say for certain, but there’s a good chance I won’t be all smiles and sunshine. 

If you’re someone looking to start embracing this attitude, but have those normal doubts of “What happens when _____ happens and I stop being happy?” I get it. I’m right there with you. I also think this is a great time to take another page out of “The Power of Now” and get present and work on just noticing the thoughts as they come. I personally love how Eckhart views the future. Paraphrased, he says, “You cannot cope with future fear because it doesn’t exist. Instead, tune into the present moment. That’s all we ever have to cope with.” 

I’m still working on this myself, but I’ll let you know how it goes. In the meantime, let me know if this has helped you: What’s an area of your life where you can apply this? Have you applied this before? Leave a comment below or shoot me a tweet and let me know. 

23915729_10100783944815659_7218692933965307915_n.jpg

When all else fails, get some of Grandpa’s honey that he helps make himself with a nice guy named Chuck. It’s good stuff!  

Have a great (and healthy) week, my friends. 

Let’s go get ‘em. 

***   ***   ***

Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe!