Are You Being Humble? Or Just Negative?

It took me a year, but I finally did it: I accomplished my goal of booking a commercial in my hometown of Boston. I did a celebratory dance in my studio apartment…quietly, of course. I still have neighbors. And a creaky floor…

This would be the first “crazy awesome” story I’d get to take back home with me.

“Yeah! I have booked some cool projects lately…”

“Actually – you might see me in this one!”

“Hey! Remember that cool audition I told you about from last week?”

Now for the facts: This wasn’t a life changing gig. It was a non union commercial. There wouldn’t be residuals. Next thing I knew, I was sharing news to my peers in Chicago about it…with a negative twist.

In fact, I also found myself stressing out more when I learned more details about the gig and how I’d be getting to set.

What happened here?

I recently learned from Darren Hardy (free daily videos at www.darrendaily.com) that we all enjoy heightened emotions. This is why we enjoy things like roller coasters or horror films. (Unless your name is Tony Rossi – in which case, you ask your friends if they’d rather watch a gushy, feel good romantic comedy instead….) At the same time, we get attached to emotions such as stress because they too are heightened emotions.

After learning this, I realized there was a familiar pattern with a lot of my stories lately: All of my career related stories I had been telling my friends had a negative twist to them!

“Yeah, I booked a commercial….but it’s just a non union one.” 

“Yeah, I’m living in Chicago as an actor….but I also have several day jobs.”

“Yeah I got to fly home for a week…but I pretty much stayed with my parents the whole time. (Hey, shut up….I got so much free food!)

Since I learned this, I recognized that I wasn’t being humble. I wasn’t being “honest.” I was just putting a negative spin on the story in order to feed my ego and keep my body in stress mode. I don’t even want to think about what this was doing to my overall health…

So I set the intention to change things. When I checked in with my accountability partner, I told her I was going to go back home and share news with my friends in a more positive light.

And you know what? It worked.

And you know what else? It felt good!

And you really wanna know something? All those things that we think people care about – union vs non union, usage rates, and national vs local gigs….no one cares about. Except maybe you.

But that’s a story for another blog.

All this is to say you can relax and embrace your wins, without putting a “realistic” (aka negative) twist on them.

“You can’t build on success you can’t acknowledge” – Dallas Travers \

Let’s go get ‘em friends.

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And a happy belated #OneBoston day to all my friends back home 

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Email me!  tony.rossi@gmail.com. Let me know how I can help.

Same goes for questions – you can ask those for free 😉 

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Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂You can also find me on facebook, instagramYouTube, or check out my actor website

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The bitch that is social media (and how to deal with it)

Isn’t social media a bitch?

Let’s be honest – because I actually love that bitch – we all like to show our highlight reels.

There are a few times a year when I’m shouting to the roof tops how wonderful my life is on social. These times are when I visit home.

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Shoutout to my friend Heather – whom I first met in Chicago – for getting me into FENWAY FREAKING PARK! 

 

I love my Boston roots. I love seeing the people I love whom I can only see a few times a year. I love driving through curvy, hilly, roads that so much more enoyable because you’re sitting shotgun. Follow me on social and you know what to expect during these trips.

This most recent trip? No different. A 26 hour visit that surprised family – and even myself!  It taught me a lot regarding how to best take advantage of the little time you do have on trips like these. In a future post, I’ll share more about that.

Truth be told, I hit a really, really low moment during this most recent trip. And I think it’s worth talking about for those who think I have my shit together during times like this – or at all.

The #notperfect morning

This is the part where I tell you I’ve been paranoid about being sick lately….because I keep getting sick. And that morning I woke up with a sore throat…

I was sick. Again. On vacation. After just having a cold on my last vacation.

The #notperfect process

“Maybe it’s just allergies,” I thought.

I attempted my morning workout….

“NOPE. Not allergies. I’m sick and this is terrible.” And because this had been a recurring theme for me, I wasn’t just upset. I was PISSED. I was frustrated. I was….honestly, a little hopeless. I had a breakdown of tears before my shower. And during my shower. A few more after. I felt broken.

The ultimate negative chatter

Now, I always hear those negative voices in my head telling me I’m not enough. But this time – I was the negative chatter. I was telling every one of my imaginary nice voices to STFU. I didn’t want any positive motivation. I was pissed. Nothing was going to help. I kept thinking….

I don’t care if there’s a lesson in this.

I’m F-ing sick of lessons through setbacks.

I don’t care if this is something I’ll appreciate five years from now

I don’t care that others have it worse than me (even though I know it’s true)

I don’t want to “just be positive”

I’m mad and I’m going to stay that way.

I don’t want to know “that it’s all going to be okay”

Okay fine. I did know deep down that everything was going to be alright. I just didn’t know when. When you don’t have a timeline – it sucks. When you keep having repeating patterns show up in a really short time frame – it really sucks. When you keep having that repeating pattern show up in a short time frame and it keeps showing up during your vacation? Don’t even get me started……

And then….

It was over.

No seriously. The pain was over.

Sure, my throat was still dry. But after taking some ibuprofen? I was literally fine. That headache I felt? Gone a few minutes later. Next thing I knew, I was having lunch with my Dad in his office, meeting his coworkers, and enjoying the largest salad that I’ve ever had. (I might have added a few extra pieces of chicken knowing that Dad was paying…)

The thing was – I wasn’t actually sick!

Now allergies, on the other hand…..that’s a different story. But I wasn’t low in energy. I wasn’t aching all over. And when I ended up going for a long walk in Boston later? I was FINE.

I had freaked out for nothing.

The point?

The point is I didn’t talk about this at all on social media.

Last my friends saw – I was a happy freaking camper using #BostonYoureMyHome hashtags left and right.

I don’t like dumping dirty laundry on social media….

 

Example: Screaming baby on my flight back?! FML….

The truth: You’re on vacation. You’re on a freaking airplane. You’re fine.

 

Example: I JUST GOT TOWED! WTF?!

The truth: You’re about to go through an inconvenient couple of days. You’ll pay a fee. And then – you’ll be fine. In fact, a year from now – you’ll be laughing at this. You’re fine.

 

Example: Why are people so annoying?

The truth:  You are so annoying…..and you’re not fine….)

(Sorry. That last one was just for me. And I’ve been that annoying person, so I’ll stop talking….)

While I don’t love dumping dirty laundry onto others, I also believe in being honest. But when it comes to my health – I’m more private these days. I learned that posting about so much as a head cold can result in your peers thinking you only have three weeks to live…..long story short, I’ve become more quiet about certain things like this.

Again – the point???

The point is don’t believe everything you see.

The point is don’t believe that those awesome, happy, successful people are like that all the time.

Just because someone is happy in one area of their life doesn’t mean they’re happy in all areas.

Just because someone is in love doesn’t mean they’re fulfilled socially.

Just because someone has landed their dream job doesn’t mean they have their finances in order.

Just because someone has a plethora of friends doesn’t mean they’re happy romantically.

Just because your mentors are the “smartest people in the world” doesn’t mean they have all their shit together…..

This isn’t to discourage you. This is to remind you that you’re not alone.

The pros that you emulate? They struggle too.

Guys. We’re all in this together. We’re all part of the huge traffic jam that you see everyday after work. We’re all the people who can be laughing hysterically one minute and crying profusely the next. And we’re people who can flip our emotions in an instant – for better or worse.

You’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s okay to not feel okay all the time.

You are enough. Especially if you have flaws and quirks.

Let’s go get ‘em, my friends.

 

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Got questions? Want to me to give an empowerment talk to your group or school? Email me: tony.rossi@gmail.com. 

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Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂You can also find me on instagramYouTube, or check out my actor website