Are You Being Humble? Or Just Negative?

It took me a year, but I finally did it: I accomplished my goal of booking a commercial in my hometown of Boston. I did a celebratory dance in my studio apartment…quietly, of course. I still have neighbors. And a creaky floor…

This would be the first “crazy awesome” story I’d get to take back home with me.

“Yeah! I have booked some cool projects lately…”

“Actually – you might see me in this one!”

“Hey! Remember that cool audition I told you about from last week?”

Now for the facts: This wasn’t a life changing gig. It was a non union commercial. There wouldn’t be residuals. Next thing I knew, I was sharing news to my peers in Chicago about it…with a negative twist.

In fact, I also found myself stressing out more when I learned more details about the gig and how I’d be getting to set.

What happened here?

I recently learned from Darren Hardy (free daily videos at www.darrendaily.com) that we all enjoy heightened emotions. This is why we enjoy things like roller coasters or horror films. (Unless your name is Tony Rossi – in which case, you ask your friends if they’d rather watch a gushy, feel good romantic comedy instead….) At the same time, we get attached to emotions such as stress because they too are heightened emotions.

After learning this, I realized there was a familiar pattern with a lot of my stories lately: All of my career related stories I had been telling my friends had a negative twist to them!

“Yeah, I booked a commercial….but it’s just a non union one.” 

“Yeah, I’m living in Chicago as an actor….but I also have several day jobs.”

“Yeah I got to fly home for a week…but I pretty much stayed with my parents the whole time. (Hey, shut up….I got so much free food!)

Since I learned this, I recognized that I wasn’t being humble. I wasn’t being “honest.” I was just putting a negative spin on the story in order to feed my ego and keep my body in stress mode. I don’t even want to think about what this was doing to my overall health…

So I set the intention to change things. When I checked in with my accountability partner, I told her I was going to go back home and share news with my friends in a more positive light.

And you know what? It worked.

And you know what else? It felt good!

And you really wanna know something? All those things that we think people care about – union vs non union, usage rates, and national vs local gigs….no one cares about. Except maybe you.

But that’s a story for another blog.

All this is to say you can relax and embrace your wins, without putting a “realistic” (aka negative) twist on them.

“You can’t build on success you can’t acknowledge” – Dallas Travers \

Let’s go get ‘em friends.

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And a happy belated #OneBoston day to all my friends back home 

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Email me!  tony.rossi@gmail.com. Let me know how I can help.

Same goes for questions – you can ask those for free 😉 

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Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂You can also find me on facebook, instagramYouTube, or check out my actor website

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What happens when you “fail at love”

So I was into this girl. 

I hadn’t been “into” anyone in a long time. I was stressed waiting tables and it felt like the stress never left me. It was also, ironically, during this time that I started eating healthier and following a new workout regiment. Between the two, however, I found myself lacking energy and a zest for life. That longing to be in a relationship again? Gone. Arousal around women? Non existent. Hoping a cute girl would leave me her number at work? …okay I still wanted that. But everything else just seemed to have evaporated. 

So the fact that three years later, I was suddenly interested in this girl and found myself flirting with her, was a big deal, you guys…

Of course, this wouldn’t come without the natural negative self talk (or who I sometimes refer to as “Fred”):

You’re not what she’s looking for. 

She definitely wants a guy with more relationship experience than you. 

Do you even remember how awkward you were during that one time a bunch of you were hanging out? She totally remembers that….

Are you even sure she’s a good fit for you??

I was confused. I let it stress me out. 

And then…a better voice chimed in: 

Fuck it. Let’s just find out if any of that is actually true. 

I gave up trying to figure things out in my head. All I knew for sure was that I really liked this girl. She was really fun to talk to. We texted all the time. I felt a spark I hadn’t felt in a really long time. I didn’t know if she was going to be right for me – or me for her, for that matter. But I decided that I’d rather find out and fail than not find out at all, based on speculation that was in my head – most of which probably wasn’t true. 

And we dated. And it was awesome. 

And then….it ended. 

I finally had gotten my, “Will this even work” answer. (It wasn’t the one I was hoping for.) 

Here’s what else I learned: It was totally fucking worth it. 

This doesn’t mean I’ve been happy and sunshine since the break up. It doesn’t mean the end wasn’t scary and painful. It just means that despite the rocky ending of the crazy and brief roller coaster ride – I can’t wait to get back in line and try again**

Sometimes when you “fail,” you still have a lot of fun trying.

 

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**(Not the same line. The other metaphorical line. Preferable not through Tinder.) 

Let’s go get ‘em, friends. 

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Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

A Crucial Component To Help You Reach Your Goal

 

I’m working hard.

Even when I’m not at a job working, I’m working. I’m working on my acting career. I’m working on my health and fitness coaching. I’m working on inspiring others to live a life based on what they love instead of settling for what they don’t love.

I work my ass off for a life where work doesn’t feel like work. As my new statement reads on social media, “I’m on a mission to live my most positive, healthy and creative self. Care to join?”

That’s the goal. And that goal sounds pretty damn sexy. I can’t wait to feel more sexy.

…now how do I feel sexy before I get there?

(We can use a different work if you want.)

I often share the importance of hard work. I practice what I preach. And yet, I frequently find myself feeling stressed, burned out, and sleep deprived. I don’t know about you, but I would prefer to be happy (or sexy) now, before I arrive at the destination of working jobs that don’t feel like work.

So when we find ourselves in this situation, what do we do?

Stop focusing on action. Focus on feeling.

The myth: By taking more action, I’ll get more results. When I get more results, I’ll be happier.

The truth: By telling ourselves the story of how more action will lead to the feeling we want, we neglect our present feeling entirely and end up unhappier.

There’s a plethora of personal development coaches and authors who share this message. Shawn Achor writes about it in two different books. My life coach Courtney Rioux talks about it in her blogs, workshops, and coaching sessions.

Reasons to focus on feeling happy (or sexy) now:

-If we neglect how we feel in the present moment, we won’t be happy once we arrive at our destination. As Achor describes it, we keep “moving the goal posts.” In other words, we continue to come up with a new definition on what happiness means to us. We keep setting the bar higher and what will makes us happy.

-Without being happy now, we might not get there at all. I’ve learned that when I’m unhappy, I’m usually unwilling to do the work required to get to where I want to go. On the other hand, I’m more motivated to do my work when I’m in a better mood, feeling more energetic, and have gotten more sleep. Happiness tends to be the centerpiece for me of having everything else come together.

So friends, if you find yourself putting happiness on hold while you work towards your goals, it’s time to reevaluate your map. Start finding ways to sneak in happiness into your work. Sometimes that might be taking more breaks or days off. Other times it’s finding the joy within your work that has to get done.

Oh, and when you’re happier, you totally look more sexy.

Go get ‘em.

How we set ourselves up to fail without trying

In 2006, my parents encouraged me to use my high school graduation money to buy a bicycle. While it may not be as shiny as when I first purchased it, my blue Trek gets me to work every weekend and saves me time and money. It saves me money from taking the train and I’m spared the headache of finding one of those rare Chicago parking spots that everyone keeps talking about.

Having lived in the city for five years, it’s not uncommon to hear how frustrating parking situations are. I hear this most frequently at one of my jobs. Outside of the location sits a small lot shared by multiple stores. Unless you’re lucky, it’s rare to score one of the coveted spots. Customers are frequently expressing their discontent over the situation – many emphasizing that this happens every time they visit.

They’re setting the wrong intention.

I can’t speak on behalf of their frustration, as I don’t currently own a vehicle. What I can do is speak on behalf of someone who spends an exuberant of time reading and studying how to be a more positive person.

Without likely even realizing it, they’re setting an intention before arriving to the store. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and say it’s a positive one: “If I arrive at the store and can get a spot, I’ll be thrilled!” Not a bad start, but let’s look at the facts: This lot is small. It fills up quick. If it’s a returning customer, they know the odds aren’t in their favor.

A better approach

I’m going to share one of my favorite questions. It’s pretty awesome. I can ask it whether I’m traveling to work, an audition, or meeting up with friends: “How do I want to feel as I get to my destination?” (Extra points if you use this to figure out how you want to feel your whole day.)

For the sake of the customer, we’ll rephrase it: “How do I want to feel as I get to the store?” By asking this question, we’ll quickly realize we want to feel good as we go about our day. We can do this without getting a spot in the lot. We can take the train. We can leave early and give ourselves time to find parking. Or maybe we treat ourselves to the Starbucks down the street after. (Though that would be silly – everyone knows there’s free coffee in said store).

Ask yourself this question and you’re giving yourself options. Ask yourself a more limiting and specific question and you could be setting yourself up to fail.

So now what?

Hopefully by now you’re realizing that in the grand scheme of things, this isn’t really a problem. Another approach is to realize that even if we lose twenty minutes to traffic, we’re still going to get through the rest of our lives. This is just one trick to apply out of the many that can make you a happier, healthier, and more positive person.

There are still going to be days where we set the intention of feeling good, but get deterred. That’s okay. It’s not about being perfect and more about getting in the rhythm of practicing intentions. Overtime, you’ll be a pro.

Go get ‘em, guys.