What happens when you “fail at love”

So I was into this girl. 

I hadn’t been “into” anyone in a long time. I was stressed waiting tables and it felt like the stress never left me. It was also, ironically, during this time that I started eating healthier and following a new workout regiment. Between the two, however, I found myself lacking energy and a zest for life. That longing to be in a relationship again? Gone. Arousal around women? Non existent. Hoping a cute girl would leave me her number at work? …okay I still wanted that. But everything else just seemed to have evaporated. 

So the fact that three years later, I was suddenly interested in this girl and found myself flirting with her, was a big deal, you guys…

Of course, this wouldn’t come without the natural negative self talk (or who I sometimes refer to as “Fred”):

You’re not what she’s looking for. 

She definitely wants a guy with more relationship experience than you. 

Do you even remember how awkward you were during that one time a bunch of you were hanging out? She totally remembers that….

Are you even sure she’s a good fit for you??

I was confused. I let it stress me out. 

And then…a better voice chimed in: 

Fuck it. Let’s just find out if any of that is actually true. 

I gave up trying to figure things out in my head. All I knew for sure was that I really liked this girl. She was really fun to talk to. We texted all the time. I felt a spark I hadn’t felt in a really long time. I didn’t know if she was going to be right for me – or me for her, for that matter. But I decided that I’d rather find out and fail than not find out at all, based on speculation that was in my head – most of which probably wasn’t true. 

And we dated. And it was awesome. 

And then….it ended. 

I finally had gotten my, “Will this even work” answer. (It wasn’t the one I was hoping for.) 

Here’s what else I learned: It was totally fucking worth it. 

This doesn’t mean I’ve been happy and sunshine since the break up. It doesn’t mean the end wasn’t scary and painful. It just means that despite the rocky ending of the crazy and brief roller coaster ride – I can’t wait to get back in line and try again**

Sometimes when you “fail,” you still have a lot of fun trying.

 

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**(Not the same line. The other metaphorical line. Preferable not through Tinder.) 

Let’s go get ‘em, friends. 

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Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

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What happens when a positive person gets dumped

Disclaimer:  Break ups suck, don’t they? Fortunately this one was amicable and there’s not hard feelings. That said, be sure to give us both hugs if you see either of us!

 

What happened: I got dumped 

What I wanted to do: Cry. Drink. Eat some foods with lots of salt and fat. Take my mind off it. 

What I did do: Cry. Went for a long walk. Got on the train. Went home. Ate my favorite (healthy) snack. 

What I didn’t do: Drink. Eat foods with lots of salt and fat.

Why: Because I didn’t want to wake up the next day disempowered 

I wanted to wake up the next day feeling like Tony. 

I wanted to wake up feeling like I could take on the world – unless I didn’t feel like it. But if I didn’t feel like it, I wanted it to be my choice. Because I could choose to just do something else on my terms. What I wasn’t going to allow was myself to purposely take action to put myself in a state where I was prone to more negative and shitty feelings than I already was feeling. 

I feel my best when I look good. I feel my best when I sleep well, hydrate, and work out with weights. (Yup – skinny guys like resistance too!) I feel my best when I have a clean(ish) apartment and appreciate the layout of my posters. 

So I went home. Ate my favorite snack. Lied down for a bit watching and reading mind numbing stuff on Facebook and youtube…and even the news. (I never do this.) Then proceeded to put on a podcast and clean a bunch. And refigure my posters, pictures etc. 

It looked damn good. 

I remember thinking, “I don’t know how I’ll feel tomorrow. I don’t know if I’ll get as much done as I usually do when I sit down at Starbucks and get my tall dark roast from Chloe at my favorite location outside Wrigley field. All I know is that I won’t know if I don’t try. “

We’re allowed to feel our feelings. But we don’t have to be a victim to feeling more than what’s already present. Purposely choose to put yourself in a winning position so that you can win. 

It’ll make those nights with foods containing lots of salt and fat more worth it later. 

Let’s go get ‘em. 

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Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

How dating reminded me of my (embarrassing) past

Last week my longtime friend, Sammy B, married a wonderful girl named Ashley. 

 

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It was a fun night filled with food, dancing, and a bunch of wonderful people I don’t get to see nearly as often as I like. Our group of friends growing up was a good one. It warms my heart that most of us are still in touch. 

Since we don’t see each other often, we go through the usual interrogation process when we catch up…. 

 

“So, still living in the same place?”

“Where are you working these days?”

“Are you seeing anyone?”

 

That last one has always been my favorite. (And by favorite, I mean least favorite.) 

I usually was the single one in our group of friends, and that didn’t change as I got older. I watched in envy as the rest of my friends fell in love, went on dates, and had lots of sex. (Seriously. I wasn’t even cuddling with anyone. It was so unfair.) Which is why I was thrilled to report to them that, “Yup! I am seeing someone! Wanna see a picture?!” 

Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t discovered any “secrets to dating.” But the whole night made me discover something: I used to be pretty unhappy with myself because of my dating story. And that night – none of it mattered. Hell, some of my friends I used to envy were currently single themselves!  

We waste far too much time and energy beating ourselves up, don’t we? 

 

We aren’t making a certain amount of money.

We aren’t married with kids. 

We haven’t reached a certain point in our careers where our dream job is paying the bills. 

 

But here’s the thing: Unless we’ve reached a point where it’s literally impossible to achieve our goals (Too old to have kids, etc), we can still get there. It just might take longer than we hoped….Oh, and it usually does. And the deadlines we place on ourselves are so unfair and silly. But that’s for another blog.

And here’s the best part – once we get there, that “embarrassing” past – which is really nothing to be ashamed of in the first place – isn’t going to matter. The point isn’t that you took longer than you thought. The point is that you got there. 

Friends. I have no idea when I’ll get married. All I know is that I will someday. (Not sure about the kids part….but if I do, we can cut go back and edit this part out, yeah?) And as long as that happens, I don’t need to be embarrassed about things that did or didn’t happen before getting there. 

 

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We clean up alright 🙂 

Let’s go get ‘em, friends. 

 

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Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

-Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

-Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel