There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t need fixing. But this might help…

I saw another friend yesterday post about how they were struggling with self esteem.

Automatically, I found myself furiously typing. “Here’s how I used to feel. Here’s how I feel now. Here are three things I recommend. And here are some ways to flip your perspective….”

I stopped.

Will this even matter? Will they actually listen to me? Who the hell am I to help this person? And how can I share this with them so that they take my advice, rather than dismiss it? 

I have this inner dialogue every time I see a friend share that they’re in pain. I hope someday to have a better way of helping them.

If I could share a message today for anyone – friend or other – who might be struggling with self esteem, this is what it would say:

At the risk of sounding like a broken record….

There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t need fixing. You are not broken. You just suffer with incessant negative chatter. You’ve bought into one of the bullshit beliefs, like that other people’s opinions of you get to dictate your self confidence. Or that your resume dictates your self worth. 

I know the feeling. I’ve suffered it a lot. In fact, I still do. 

I don’t want you to suffer anymore. I hope you take the time to start reading personal development books, working with a life coach, and finding more positive people to spend time with that already have the confidence you desire. Do it. You can’t afford not to. And if you can’t do it for you – do it for someone you love. Someone you can’t bear to be in pain. You can help them by starting with yourself. 

Finally….stop taking yourself so damn seriously 🙂 Most of our problems go away in a day, a week, or a couple months. We find new problems. Don’t worry. This problem will go away and that future one will too. 

And when you forget all of this because you’re a normal human being who forgets stuff – no sweat. Just hit the reset button. Being perfect is s waste of time and energy, anyway.

I love you guys. 

 

I really do.

 

Let’s go get ’em.

 

***   ***   ***

Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

Advertisements

An interview. With me.

GUESS WHAT YOU GUYS?

“Tony. Stop shouting.”

Sorry Fred.

I’m going to be speaking as part of “Homeset!” this coming Saturday!

25587708_512322815816309_3094759958730742657_o (1).jpg

“The thought behind the series is simple – artists flourish when they are in conversation with one another, and experiencing and examining one another’s work — especially in times of social and political unrest. It propels our aesthetic and understanding farther forward, and stokes the fire of active engagement.” (Quote source here) 

 

Below is a Q&A with me and Denise. I wanted to share this here because the themes I’ll be speaking about Saturday go hand in hand with what I blog about. Thoughts? Tweet me! 

Denise: What inspired this piece?

Me: Before I realized I loved talking to others about personal development themes, I was involved in network marketing for three years….and I failed a lot. There were a plethora of embarrassment, but with it came valuable lessons. I learned a lot about branding and content, and it’s actually what led me to start doing #SundayVideos on facebook live every week. Those messages were a big inspiration for the work I’ve started sharing in person – like what we’re doing here tonight!

What really inspired me to start sharing positive messages has been a four year journey where I keep finding more and more ways to see tedious life challenges in a more empowering way. Once I discovered how much happier this made me, I couldn’t not share it with others!

Denise: Has anything you’ve learned recently surprised you?

Me: Since working with a life coach and consequently learning about the world of personal development, I just assumed that immersing myself in self help materials (books, blogs, podcasts, etc) were the way to go. But actually the past month has made me realize that a more proactive way to approach personal development is to a) get clear on what areas you want to specifically learn and grow in, and b) actually complete the exercises come up in the materials. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve skipped most parts where it involves actually completely exercises. I’m currently reading a new book with a lot of “write down this” sections – and I’m not skipping this time! So it’s been surprising to realize that after all this time where I thought I was an expert, I was really just an novice. I have a feeling that in another four years I’ll find myself in a similar boat.

Denise: What challenges you as a creator?

Me: Confession: Being a life coach and doing live workshops and talks has been something I’ve wanted to do for a while now. I’m grateful it’s happening! Yet…I’ve yet to get out of my own way when it comes to creating opportunities for my acting career. Putting on a show? Producing my own short film? This is where I’d normally tell others to stop listening to that gremlin voice saying, “You could never afford that,” or “That will take way too much time…”

I KNOW that’s not true! I’ve freaking done it before with raising money for non acting endeavors! I just get overwhelmed and then listen to all my doubts. So if anyone wants to give ME a motivational pep talk on this – let me have it. I’m a good listener.

Denise: What do you want to see more of?

Me: I want to see more of my peers celebrating the little things: Getting called back to that same casting house, regardless if they book. Getting seen by their favorite theatre company. Their first booking for a non union industrial. I want to start seeing more happiness and confidence before we’ve “made it.”

It’s easy to let our friends and family to dictate our success. Waiting for other people’s approval for achievement is a recipe for stress, anxiety, and a path to being miserable. Why? Because it’s out of our control!

Sure, there’s something to be said about setting high goals and measuring your progress. I just think that success is something younger people tend to “wait for,” and along with it sits our happiness and confidence. One of my mentors Dallas Travers says, “You can’t build on success you don’t acknowledge.” If we can’t be happy with the little wins – we’re just going to keep setting the bar for happiness higher and higher. So let’s start now, yeah?

Denise: What should folks know about what you’re bringing to HOME SET?

Me: That I’m loving this process of helping others – and that I’m doing it because I started learning this stuff because I needed it. Just because I’m “teaching” and sharing it doesn’t mean that I’m don’t need it myself. I very much do. The themes I talk about are usually the ones I need the most.

I find this usually is applicable to anyone teaching a skill to others. I used to get turned off because I thought teachers and motivational speakers were condescending. Then I started hearing some of them share that they’re also still not perfect with what they were sharing. It made them seem more human and more likable.

I want my peers who read, see and hear my work to know that I’m a constant work in progress.

“You are perfect, whole and complete – but you’re not finished.” –Preston Smiles.

 

Let’s go get ’em, friends.

 

Here are the deets! 

Pop Magic Productions invites you to HOMESET, a quarterly salon series bringing artists together to share ideas. Each HOMESET will give 3 artists space to showcase their works in progress, lesser practiced skills, and interests in a casual atmosphere.

The thought behind the series is simple – artists flourish when they are in conversation with one another, and experiencing and examining one another’s work — especially in times of social and political unrest. It propels our aesthetic and understanding farther forward, and stokes the fire of active engagement. 

In an effort to cultivate these nurturing spaces for artists, and in response to the need for more cross-exposure in the Chicago arts scene, HOME SET was put into action.
Join us in reactivating our community this winter. Connect with creatives whose interests and passions can bolster your artistic practice. Support the growth of Chicago’s independent art scene.

January 6th, 2018
Location: Secret Location in Uptown (You will receive the address
when you RSVP @ dime.io/events/homeset.

​The acts of the night are:
​Oratory by Tony Rossi
Arcana Obscura with Cassie Bowers
All The Happy Endings We Were Promised by Lucky Stiff
Music by Kathryn Lachey

Snacks & Drinks will be provided. You are also free to BYOB.

***   ***   ***

Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

2018 won’t save you

“TONY. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME ABOUT THE NEW YEAR?!”

Relax. I’m going somewhere (positive) with this….

Look, we all see a lot of interesting social media posts this time of year.
“I love the first snow!”
“What the f**k is my f**king coat?! #loveloveactually
“Can’t wait for the annual actor holiday party!  #totalcheatnight
“Ughhh….I ate too much for my total cheat night…” #worthit #round2tonight
Okay those are just mine. I’m sure you’ve seen others that are richer in content. At the same time, I’m also guessing you’ve seen a variety of not so positive messages this time of year….
“SERIOUSLY 2017?!” #sooverit
“Can we just get into the new year already? 
“Next year is going to be so much better….”
“I just got fired for reading Tony’s blog at work. #unsubscribing”
Whether you’re #sooverit with 2017 or just excited for 2018, I have news for you: 2018 is just a date on the calendar. 
 
Of course there’s nothing wrong with using dates on a calendar or any kind of “new beginning” as a force of positive motivation. But let’s not confuse external motivation as the only source of motivation. That said, I’m not here to crush your “positive bubble.” . Instead of relying on a date on a calendar or any kind of external motivation, what do you have at your disposal that you can use as internal movtivation?? 
 
If you’re eager to learn more about this, I recommend reading up on some of the thought leaders who have been in the game a little longer than me. Some of my favorites include Brendan Burchard, Darren Hardy, and James Clear
But Tony – I’m here! Can you give me any tips or advice that might be a little more helpful in the meantime?
I thought you’d never ask….
On my flight back to Boston, I compiled a lost of positive and empowering thoughts. Feel free to print out or write them down as reminders when you’re feeling frustrated.

Empowering thoughts:

  • 2018 will have setbacks. Buckle up 😉 (Sorry…that wasn’t empowering…)
  • 2018 will also have beauty. Keep your eyes open so you don’t miss it.
  • You are absolutely allowed to find beauty in your setbacks
  • Just because you’ve never done something before that a lot of others have been doing who are a lot (older than you, younger than you, etc) doesn’t mean you can’t start exactly where you are
  • Sometimes things can be a lot easier than they seem

 

Thoughts for my single friends:

  • Being single allows you time for things you might not have if you were in a relationship. Enjoy them while knowing that it won’t stay this way.
  • Please…you can find a new boyfriend without making a bunch of physical changes. Stop reading blogs that tell you otherwise.
  • List five reasons you’d make an amazing partner. Consider how many people currently in relationships aren’t getting those qualities from their significant other. You get to give those to someone.

Goal thoughts

  • Sometimes the hardest part that you’ve been dreading for so long won’t be nearly as bad as you make them out to be in your head
  • Ten years from now, you’ll probably have achieved a lot of your goals. And you’ll wonder why you wasted so much time freaking out.
  • Don’t be so hard on yourself that you stop enjoying the journey.
  • There are going to be parts you look back on fondly that will surprise you

Setbacks:

  • Your situation that’s happening right now is just that – it’s happening now. That doesn’t make it permanent.
  • You’re hard on yourself because you care. Be proud that you care.
  • Sometimes that negative voice in your head will get very loud. That doesn’t make it true. Volume does not equal truth.
  • Your week might start out with six bad days, but that seventh awesome day will make everything worth it.
  • You don’t have to be happy right now. But keep the flame of hope alive for when you’re ready to get back up

And a Tony thought for you…..

  • YOU ARE AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, AND CAPABLE OF GREATNESS EXACTLY AS YOU ARE AND WHERE YOU ARE. 

 

“Start where you are, with what you have – because what you have is plenty enough.” -Eric Thomas. 

 

I’m #notperfect. But if you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’re not either. Why not try something empowering instead of disempowering this week – or hell, this year??

Thank you for reading – whether it’s your first time or one hundredth. I’m grateful for you. You deserve to feel amazing. Go after what you love.

Let’s go get ‘em, friends.

 

PS – Thanks to all of you who did make 2017 so memorable 🙂

25446457_10100795177295679_1563216743945894204_n.jpg

s
21740528_10104890013919792_4833996583807084272_n.jpg

Photo by Garret Sacco 

16819081_10100610780648039_5987597344611499836_o.jpg
19577057_10100693399524149_4937830892750187414_o.jpg25394893_1630345350364294_6669468205801984954_o.jpg

Photo by Nicole Shuberg Photography

21078742_1650644054980505_2943949475015608253_n.jpg

Photo by Johnny Knight Photo 

 

***   ***   ***

Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

It caught me out of nowhere

All of a sudden I was in a shit mood. I figured it was one of those “we’ll always have shit days” type of thing.

Until I reflected. I was shocked at what I discovered.

 

What happened: I had started my day off the usual way: Exercise, personal development, Starbucks morning. All signs pointed to a good started

What happened next: I had an incredibly unproductive work session. Lots of negative chatter. Suddenly I was focused on everything that was going wrong, and doing my work from that place of “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not there yet,” “I’m a failure….”

The rest of the day: Not good….(shocker) 

Fast forward to the next day. I was well rested. I was in a better mood. Sleep has a funny way of making you feel better, doesn’t it?

I now had a bunch of new perspectives. Not only was I looking my situation from a fresh perspective, but I was relistening to my book (“High Performance Habits” – Brendan Burchard) with a new perspective too.

What happened next:

-I literally did the same routine. Relistened to the chapters I had listened to the day before, as per my practice….but now I heard the words in a different light. (Hence why I do this.)

-Yesterday it was new information. It was a spotlight on all the things I’ve been doing wrong, as well as things that are missing in my life. Personal development tends to do this – create awareness. Yet that day in particular, it was a BIG learning moment of a lot of things I was doing wrong. But it happened so gradually in this book that I didn’t realize it was the cause of what started a negative loop hole.

Now I can look at this information completely different. “OH. Yeah that was the part when I realized that I’m working a lot, but achieving little. No wonder I was so upset…” It made me remember that the fact that I’m not earning enough money is really holding me back. Which then, in turn, made me really upset when I went to Starbucks and started applying for jobs online….

Personal development is a wonderful tool to help you notice the trouble areas. It’s kind of like lights in your car indicating you need to check your engine. It’s GOOD to know about this information. However, if every time that light went off, you started to focus on how much of a failure you are for not keeping better care of your car, these signals could do a number on your self esteem.

The biggest take away I got that morning was that the whole point I was READING this book was to become better. Getting better doesn’t happen just by listening to the chapter. It doesn’t happen by even completing the exercise – although you should and it’s a great start. It happens when you FINISH the book, COMPLETE the exercises, and then….read it again. Keep applying and deepening these principles into your brain.

And remember that you’re awesome just for starting. A lot of people won’t even do that.

Screen Shot 2017-12-19 at 1.57.17 PM.png

In case you or your talent friends need a positive and quirky guy at your office….

Let’s go get ‘em.

***   ***   ***

Tony News! 

I just held my first ever “Empowered Actor” worshop at Next Door Chicago!

25446457_10100795177295679_1563216743945894204_n.jpg

Markell, Olivia, and Rebekah were SO MUCH FUN to have! 

I’m helping actors feel more confident, discover their self worth, and remember to have fun along the way to that “booking more work” thing.

Know someone who could benefit from this? Email me at tony.rossi@gmail.com

***   ***

Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

If you’re uncomfortable – say something

Quick announcement!! 

I’m going to be doing my first ever Empowerment for Actors workshop! 

Location: Next Door Chicago, 659 W Diversey 

Date: Sunday December 18th, 7:30PM 

Cost: Free

Check the bottom of this post for more! 

It was day two of the RSNA conference at McCormick Place. I was working. As a live model. 

And let me tell you folks – while yours truly weighs 140 and is tall and lanky – he is a killer live model! Many a doctor have raved about how clearly Tony Rossi anatomy comes through via ultra sound.  

24176965_10100784449673919_4013996584815564427_n.jpg

Disclaimer: We all do this as willing participants. We get emails asking if we want to participate. We then get a booking email. Upon arrival, we sign a form agreeing to participate and recognizing we can withdraw at any time. So if we later decide, “Nah, I’d rather not expose my anatomy to a bunch of strangers today,” we get to do that. 

How being an ultra sound model works: You lay on a table, much like the one you would see in a visit to the doctor’s office. A doctor then performs an ultra sound on you on whichever body part is being examined that session. 

Now typically, my least favorite day of the sessions is abdomen day. In order to see our abdomen accurately, we’re asked not to eat before arriving. I. DO. NOT. LIKE. NOT. EATING. But this year, I found myself with a new session to dislike: Pelvis day. I had never done this one before. 

“Ah,” I thought. “So that’s why the email told us to make sure we were wearing boxers….” Still, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. I’m comfortable with my body, and I didn’t mind them moving the probe a little lower. 

The session began. I didn’t like it. The session continued….and I really didn’t like it. These guys were getting the probe right up there. “HEY!” I thought to myself, “I MIGHT BE SINGLE AGAIN BUT THAT AREA IS RESERVED!” 

All joking aside, I was very uncomfortable. And I didn’t know how to express this without upsetting people or compromising my paycheck for the day. Fortunately, my doctor was a very nice person with excellent bedside manners. He continued to ask me if I was okay. He reminded me that we could stop if I wanted to. I nearly did. I nearly spoke up. Inside, part of me was screaming to say, “You know, I really would actually like to stop. I’m sorry for being an inconvenience when I know this is what you’re all here to see, but I actually was mentally unprepared for this particular session. I’d feel comfortable if we stopped.” 

But each time I thought this, another voice chimed in. It had some other thoughts: 

 

Tony. These doctors flew in from around the world to get hands on experience for this. They need you to participate.

You’d be causing a major inconvenience if you asked to stop. You know you’re going to really upset them if you back out, right? 

Remember you’re getting paid for this? You need the money. And besides, you woke up at 5:30am to be here….don’t blow this. 

 

Now, had I realized what this session was going to entail before signing up, I probably would have declined. Now I know I should ask what body parts they’re scanning if I participate in the future. It was the sudden “Hey, we’re about to stick this stick really close to some intimate areas! You ready?” that caught me off guard – so much so that I didn’t have the courage to speak up. There was all this imagined pressure and it was easier to keep saying I was fine. But the truth was I felt very uncomfortable and trapped. 

Another disclaimer? Sure! ONE MORE TIME! This was a very safe space. I was in the room with respectful people. I’m grateful that I learned this lesson in such a safe space. 

I still wanted to share this story because we’re living in a time where a lot of people are coming out with stories of being physically abused in inappropriate ways. I can see how very easy it would be for someone to not speak up when caught with a sudden, “Hey, you’re cool with this, right?” when working as an actor in a play or a film. If I hadn’t had this experience, I probably would have gone along with whatever the director had asked me to do if I was thrown a curveball on set. 

I hope that everyone gains the courage to speak up. Our respect for ourselves speaks more volume than any paycheck can provide. 

Feel free to pass on if this would be helpful for another friend to hear. And if this resonates with you, I’d love it if you would leave a quick comment saying so, or to shoot me a tweet

Let’s be brave. 

Let’s go get ‘em, friends. 

 

***   ***   ***

Hey acting friends….

Have you ever said the following?? ( I have…)

“I’m stressed and can’t enjoy myself. I thought this was supposed to be fun?”
“I’m getting discouraged with the amount of rejection I keep getting.”
“I want to get the part, but I feel like everyone is angry at me when I audition. I don’t want to feel like I’m not wanted.”
“Paying the bills is just draining me…”

NEXT WEEK I’ll be doing my first ever live workshop!

Some things we’ll cover….

-More empowering ways to view auditioning
-What to do when you feel like people are upset at you for being in the room (auditions, rehearsals, etc)
-Start seeing networking as something fun
-I’ll give you a “start doing” and “stop doing” list for when it comes to an acting career
-I’ll share some exercises on “how to be happy without the fluffy BS” that I came up with myself

Sunday December 18th @ 7:30pm
Next Door Chicago – 659 W Diversey

ONLY 10 SPOTS!

(Oh, and it’s free)

Email tony.rossi@gmail.com for questions or to RSVP

***   ***   ***

Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

Here’s what’s really crazy….

Wanna know what’s crazy? 

I’ll tell you a story. Then you’ll know what’s crazy. 

So I met this woman who worked in the medical field. Wicked friendly. She shared stories of her husband, her kids in college, and her history in the field. She even opened up and told me that while she’s knowledgable in the health field, she doesn’t always practice what she preaches….she’s a big fan chocolate chip cookies. Like, she eats a lot of chocolate chip cookies. Every day. 

“Tony….is that what’s ‘crazy?’” 

Hang on. I’m getting there. 

So she likes chocolate chip cookies. So what? Even celebrity trainer Shaun T posts photos on his Facebook page where he’s eating a donut or sipping on a Blue Moon. It wasn’t the cookies alone that made me cringe. She shared multiple stories where she had gotten very ill. In fact, it was only a few days ago where she found herself very sick at work…and also admitted she hadn’t been eating much/drinking much water – but she did have a diet coke. And given her nutritional choices of the day, it seemed like she was on track for a similar pattern. 

I quickly put two and two together and recognized this very kind new friend of mine had not learned her lesson. She hadn’t come to the conclusion that, “You know what? I should probably hydrate more and eat some real foods regularly throughout the day so that this doesn’t happen again.” In other words, it was only a matter of time before she would likely have a new, similar story to share with her next new friend. 

“Okay, Tony. I get it. That’s pretty crazy that she doesn’t make a change….” 

But you know….that’s not even the craziest part. 

The craziest part? It’s that I can recognize this isn’t a smart move on her part. And yet, you could say that I’m guilty of the same lesson

Now I eat a lot – like, an awful lot. I drink water. I exercise. But yet, I’m still sick from the same stupid cold I had last week. And you wanna know why? Because I haven’t properly rested. 

Don’t get me wrong. It’s been a busy week! But I still have pushed myself with a few things: I attended a late night rehearsal that was optional. I opted to exercise the following morning, despite not feeling 100%. And after recognizing that yes, I was still sick, I continued to bike to work. I was quite the sick mess by the end of the day. 

You wanna know what’s crazy?

Each and everyone of us will encounter pain, and yet repeat the same actions that led to it. Yet most of us would rather sit and complain that the pain returned than do something different. (And yes – I’m in this category too.)

So – when will we recognize that, yes, we have the best of intentions, but no, we can’t keep repeating the same patterns and expect a different result? 

I can only answer for myself – I’m starting now. I took the next two days off from biking. Still haven’t attempted a full workout more other than yoga. And tomorrow? Still not pushing myself.  

What about you? 

Let’s be better. Let’s change now. 

Let’s go get ‘em, friends. 

IMG_0201.jpg

There were some early mornings last week…..but they were pretty damn beautiful too. 

***   ***   ***

Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

How to stay positive (and sane) when you’re sick. (Again.)

What happened: Woke up with a dry throat. Woke up feeling like I barely slept, despite getting extra sleep that night. Woke up realizing, “Oh dear. I might be sick. (Again.)”

Despite this, I didn’t deter from my morning routine, complete with meditation and exercise. I’d keep an eye on whether or not I still felt dehydrated throughout my workout. If I felt like I was still dehydrated despite having chugged a bunch of water – I’d have my answer. 

What happened next: I got my answer. (It wasn’t what I wanted.) 

What usually happens then: I get angry. I throw a pity party, wondering things like “Why me?” and “How the hell am I supposed to get through the next few days?” 

What happened instead: “Ah. Damn. That’s not what I wanted…..Alright then.” 

Why: Because the combination of meditation and personal development books make you a superhuman….or at least a more positive one.

 

The book I’ve been reading is“The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle.  With meditation, a common practice is to simply notice thoughts as they come and go. What we tend to do, as Eckhart shares, is that we create an identity with the thought. Then the ego takes control, and all hell breaks lose. While I didn’t want to be sick this week, I also didn’t want to fall into my usual pattern of “This is awful and nothing will ever be okay!” Because…well, that’s not true, is it? 

I stopped trying to predict the future. I avoided worrying about whether or not I’d still be sick by the end of the week, where I knew I was going to be really busy. I just focused on acknowledging my thoughts. I knew my fears were there. But I figured if I’m going to be sick, I might as well take something away from this crappy situation. 

Besides…..

I’m never sick for longer than a week 

I didn’t have any big parties or fun events I was going to have to “power through”

I was so glad I wasn’t sick on Thanksgiving! 

A couple of weeks from now – everything will be okay and this will just be another blip on the radar.

Let’s put this into practical thinking: Right now I’m able to look at this from an empowering perspective. But what about when I’m sick, I’m at work, a customer is really bothering me, and I have a few other things on the agenda that day….how will I view things then? Will I still be “Mr. Positive” and be able to stay present and optimistic?? 

At the time of writing this, I’m just starting to feel the initial stages of the sickness. It’s at this point where I tend to think, “Oh, this isn’t that bad…” and then by either tonight or tomorrow morning, I’ll be like, “NOOOOPE THIS IS TERRIBLE!” So all this is to say that it’s much easier for me to view my situation from a positive place today. Tomorrow and the day after? I can’t say for certain, but there’s a good chance I won’t be all smiles and sunshine. 

If you’re someone looking to start embracing this attitude, but have those normal doubts of “What happens when _____ happens and I stop being happy?” I get it. I’m right there with you. I also think this is a great time to take another page out of “The Power of Now” and get present and work on just noticing the thoughts as they come. I personally love how Eckhart views the future. Paraphrased, he says, “You cannot cope with future fear because it doesn’t exist. Instead, tune into the present moment. That’s all we ever have to cope with.” 

I’m still working on this myself, but I’ll let you know how it goes. In the meantime, let me know if this has helped you: What’s an area of your life where you can apply this? Have you applied this before? Leave a comment below or shoot me a tweet and let me know. 

23915729_10100783944815659_7218692933965307915_n.jpg

When all else fails, get some of Grandpa’s honey that he helps make himself with a nice guy named Chuck. It’s good stuff!  

Have a great (and healthy) week, my friends. 

Let’s go get ‘em. 

***   ***   ***

Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

A More Empowering Way to View a Loss

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends. 

It’s Thursday. I always post every Thursday. Given my relationship with November 23rd, I wanted to wait and share this not-so-happy”post until tomorrow. But I feel it’s a message that will help those who need to hear it today. So forgive me for sharing this today, if you found this and don’t happen to know Dave or Andy. That said, you can always save this for tomorrow. In fact, I encourage you to do this with “important articles” on the wellbeing of the world, how to handle grief and sadness, and read it during a time where you’re more ready to “feel all the feels” 🙂 

 

 

Hi friends. It’s Tony Rossi. 

I wanted to wait to share this message after the holiday, as to not bring others down who don’t know either of these individuals. But due to recent events, this can’t wait. Thanks in advance for bearing with me.

(PS – Feel free to mark this as a “saved” post and come back to it during a better time, if you’d like. Same goes for political posts, news stories, etc….;) ) 

About four years ago, I was introduced to the world of personal development. Through a life coach, self help books, and more positive people, I felt like I was moving through the world a lot lighter. I was able to look at my problems through a different lens. They were still there, but it wasn’t the end of the world. Or when I did go into a funk, I’d stop beating myself up. I also noticed I wasn’t holding grudges toward people who had “wronged” me. And it wasn’t long before I got addicted to absorbing as much information on the subject as I could.

Since learning how to literally live a more enjoyable life, I decided, “You know what? Other people need to hear this. It’s too easy to apply this stuff. Through my blog, #SundayVideos, and doing a 180 on how I use social media, people started to referring to me as “the guy who is always happy.” And as much as I loved this, I found myself getting the same objection from a lot of individuals: “This doesn’t make sense….how are you supposed to just be ‘happy all the time?’”

I’ll get back to that. 

Let’s rewind a bit: In the fall of 2014, only a year after I started applying self help principles, my longest childhood friend, David Kendricken, passed away. The first thing I thought of was, What “good things” are going to come from this, that wouldn’t have happened in any other way?? This doesn’t make the situation okay. But it gives us our power back. It gives us meaning to something that’s shitty. It allows us to find love and gratitude in a place that’s really, really hard to find it. 

Last night I got word that this day was going to be an even darker day. We lost Andrew Scannell. And the craziest part? Both of these guys were FUNNY. They were really funny. They were loved by a lot. These two would have been great friends. 

Friends. Being a happy person will never, ever mean “happy all the time.” 

Being a happy person means being authentic. It means acknowledging that there are going to be dark times where you don’t feel happy. It’s like being a healthy person – it doesn’t mean you never, ever get sick. It means you get sick less and recover quicker. You’re not all of a sudden invincible. 

While there’s a bunch of different ways to handle death, one of my preferences is to look at the situation in a new light: What can I genuinely be grateful for right now? 

I go write a million more words on this, but I’ll leave just one on each of these sons of bitches: 

David Kendricken: You were my longest childhood friend. I lived next door to you for what, 14 years? And we had a friendship that’s hard to replicate. I couldn’t be more grateful that I got to have that with you. Thank you for that. You might be gone, but those loving memories aren’t going anywhere, son. 

Andrew Scannell: I met you in college at freshman orientation. You asked me for a word suggestion. Becoming friends with you? Oh that was a boost to my 18 year old ego. After four years of laughs, performances, and jokes that only a true New England Pirate would understand – we actually had a falling out. And then – we both forgot about it. We reconciled a year ago and had beers together with some old friends. I am so, so grateful we reconciled. 

Friends. We have an amazing opportunity to find gifts amidst a dark and dreary day. Don’t let your love go to waste. Yes – be sad. Cry when you need to. And when you’re ready, start finding those takeaways. And for extra credit, share those takeaways so we can spread this message to others. 

I love you Dave. I love you Andy. 

And I love you, friends. 

 

November 23rd.jpg

What happens when you “fail at love”

So I was into this girl. 

I hadn’t been “into” anyone in a long time. I was stressed waiting tables and it felt like the stress never left me. It was also, ironically, during this time that I started eating healthier and following a new workout regiment. Between the two, however, I found myself lacking energy and a zest for life. That longing to be in a relationship again? Gone. Arousal around women? Non existent. Hoping a cute girl would leave me her number at work? …okay I still wanted that. But everything else just seemed to have evaporated. 

So the fact that three years later, I was suddenly interested in this girl and found myself flirting with her, was a big deal, you guys…

Of course, this wouldn’t come without the natural negative self talk (or who I sometimes refer to as “Fred”):

You’re not what she’s looking for. 

She definitely wants a guy with more relationship experience than you. 

Do you even remember how awkward you were during that one time a bunch of you were hanging out? She totally remembers that….

Are you even sure she’s a good fit for you??

I was confused. I let it stress me out. 

And then…a better voice chimed in: 

Fuck it. Let’s just find out if any of that is actually true. 

I gave up trying to figure things out in my head. All I knew for sure was that I really liked this girl. She was really fun to talk to. We texted all the time. I felt a spark I hadn’t felt in a really long time. I didn’t know if she was going to be right for me – or me for her, for that matter. But I decided that I’d rather find out and fail than not find out at all, based on speculation that was in my head – most of which probably wasn’t true. 

And we dated. And it was awesome. 

And then….it ended. 

I finally had gotten my, “Will this even work” answer. (It wasn’t the one I was hoping for.) 

Here’s what else I learned: It was totally fucking worth it. 

This doesn’t mean I’ve been happy and sunshine since the break up. It doesn’t mean the end wasn’t scary and painful. It just means that despite the rocky ending of the crazy and brief roller coaster ride – I can’t wait to get back in line and try again**

Sometimes when you “fail,” you still have a lot of fun trying.

 

17328.jpg

 

**(Not the same line. The other metaphorical line. Preferable not through Tinder.) 

Let’s go get ‘em, friends. 

***   ***   ***

Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe! 

Ever feel unhappy but are unsure why? (Me too)

So there I was. Sitting in my studio apartment. Cheap rent. Wonderful landlords. A loving family from afar. Plenty of shifts from the day job. From an outside perspective, life was pretty great. 

Yet I was feeling miserable. I was thinking about day jobs and how draining they could be. I was thinking about how I was constantly rushing from one place to another and wasn’t even enjoying the destinations I was going to – even the acting ones. This idea of feeling unhappy when you know others have it worse? Yeah, that can lead to a lot of guilt. For more on how to reframe the way you see this guilt, check out this post here and read the point about “putting things into context.” 

What was most interesting about all this was that I wasn’t able to pinpoint exactly what was making me unhappy until recently. And what was more interesting was that recently I had started meditating. It was the third time that day I had meditated – once in the morning (for the Oprah & Deepak  21 Day Challenge), and then two very short ones I found on headspace. And during the third I finally broke down. It wasn’t a meditation that said, “HEY! Are you suppressing feelings? You should probably let those out. Aaaaand go!” No, it was nothing of the sort. But being able to sit and tune in with my feelings was a new thing for me. It allowed me to focus on things that I normally wouldn’t focus on. 

I rarely give myself permission to sit still. I like action. One of my favorite words to use at the end of the day is “accomplished.” Add fulfillment and joy into the mix, and you’ve had a pretty solid day in my book. But because the theme of meditation has come up in so many podcasts regarding productivity from people who have careers that I want to emulate – or at least a bank account of the sorts – I decided to finally give it a try. 

This is normally where I’d share some actionable steps. Truth be told, I’m literally just recognizing this theme. So as I find out more ways to recognize and tune in, I’ll share ‘em. In the mean time, I’ll just reemphasize the importance of giving yourself the time and space to feel what you are feeling and to recognize what you are feeling. If you’re a high achiever like me, there’s a chance you might not have created space for that yet – and that’s okay. You’re not a bad person for wanting to accomplish big things 🙂 But if you want to accomplish those things, I’m willing to bet we all can do more to make that space. 

I’ll share more as I learn more. In the meantime, shoot me a tweet or leave a comment below if you have any inside scoops! I’d really like to hear them. 

Let’s go get ‘em, friends. 

 

***   ***   ***

Thanks for reading!

By the way, I’m Tony. I live in Chicago. (Duh.) I’m an actor and blogger living right up the street from Wrigley Field. 

My blog is here to help others take control and live a more authentically positive life on their terms. Since working with a coach and learning more about personal development, I’ve started sharing my learnings with others. (I have a lot…)

If we’ve never meet – shoot me a tweet!  Would love to hear how you found this 🙂 

Wanna see more? Check out my actor website or YouTube channel!

Wanna make sure you never miss a post? Click the “Follow” button in the right corner to enter your email and subscribe!